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  • A Controversy

    A Controversy

    (Two scantily-clad men are at a secluded, grungy bar in the south of Wales, seated in a dark corner. Each has a beer.)

    A: I can’t believe that just came out of your mouth! That’s absolutely ridiculous!

    B: What? It’s not like you haven’t done anything like that before.

    A: Are you delusional? I’ve never even considered doing anything remotely like that!

    B: What about that time in Bristol?

    A: That was completely different! I was young, and desperate times called for desperate measures. Doing anything of that sort now would only lead to trouble.

    B: Trouble? The closest thing to trouble that we found in Bristol was the old gypsy, and even she wasn’t that bad!

    A: Easy for you to say! You didn’t wake up with her beside you, snuggling up in your blankets and attempting to flog your dolphin!

    (B chortles)

    A: It is not a laughing matter! I still have nightmares of that wrinkly wench! Her floppy tits sagging… Eah! No! It’s out of the question!

    B: Oh, come on! What were the chances of that? She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and you settled it the only way you could… (Snorts trying to hold back his laughter)

    A: It’s NOT funny!

    B: I know. I’m sorry — Completely out of line. Forgive me. (Tries really hard not to smile)

    A: (ignores B) And she wasn’t the worst of our troubles! Have you forgotten the kangaroo?

    B: Bonkers? Are you kidding? He was the best thing that ever happened to us!

    A: You’re mad! And I suppose that the high speed chase against the clown car and getting sent to the hospital by the bearded lady was your idea of tea and crumpets?

    B: Well, we did technically steal the star of the show.

    A: No, you stole the star of the show. In case you’re twisted sense of reality has failed you, which, no doubt, it has, I was busy with the true purpose of that mission: Getting our hands on the jewels of the Princess. It was you who thought that the kangaroo needed saving.

    B: And if my twisted sense of reality has not failed me, which, no doubt, it hasn’t, I believe it was you who thought that that lovely young acrobat needed (gestures quotes) “saving” too.

    A: She had cuts everywhere! How was I supposed to know she was the lion tamer’s lover? She looked like she was being abused!

    B: And I’m sure you took the time to ask her how it was she came across her wounds.

    A: Like she would have told me the truth! People that are being abused hardly ever reveal the reality of the situation. They’ll say they tripped, or they ran into that guy’s fist…

    B: Yeah, like you ran into Bonkers’. (Tries hard not to laugh)

    A: He was a champion boxer! I swear that roo could’ve been the next Ali. I mean, I’m a pretty accomplished fighter, but –

    B: Please! Ogling Kelsie Daniels on “Pump, Jump, and Jab” does not make you an accomplished fighter.

    A: But I –

    B: Nor does taking down Buzz in the 5th grade.

    (A is silent)

    A: In any case, it’s out of the question. I refuse to pick up that old life again. I have an honest job, a lovely wife…

    B: (Chuckles) Really? Delivering Rodney’s Pizza and being married to a horse is good enough for you, then?

    A: Yes! Yes it is! And Gertrude is not a horse! She’s a wonderful woman with a great personality!

    B: Whatever you say… (Mutters, “That’s what they all say about the ugly ones…” before he puts the beer to his mouth.)

    A: What did you say?!

    B: (finishes pull from drink) Nothing! We’re getting off-topic. Don’t you still dream of the jewels, man? We were this close to getting them, but that damn bearded lady…

    A: You just had to take the roo with, didn’t you? If you hadn’t done that, we’d be millionaires right now! Sitting on our yachts with our martinis and beautiful women…

    B: I won’t make that mistake again. See? Even you still dream about them. You could dump the pizza joint, dump the old broad –

    A: She is not an old broad!

    B: (ignores A) And we could be living the high life. Come on, man! What’s stopping you?!

    A: My conscience, that’s what!

    B: And when, might I ask, did you pick up one of those?

    A: When I realized I was going to be a father.

    B: Oh, don’t pull that paternal malarkey on me! It’s all the more reason for you to want to be wealthy! Don’t you want to provide for that child as best you can?

    A: I’d rather set a good example and show him that hard work pays off.

    B: Yeah, at $7.50 an hour.

    A: I don’t care what you say. Mock me all you want, but I refuse to become a petty thief again. I gladly shoved those days straight to hell!

    B: I’ll convince you soon enough. Before long you’ll realize that you need to do this, whether you want to or not.

    A: Yeah, yeah… Whatever you say…

    (Scene fades to black)

     

    © 2017 Claire Fiori

     

  • He Met: A Swedish Translation Poem

    He Met: A Swedish Translation Poem

    Eight telephones tall, I ran out

    Knotted oaks painted the lands with glitter

    I forced her nigh in the jagged oral light, while

    Rats solve the hotel’s mysteries after dark.

    Low, run-down bars pair the Orient’s rings

    Encompassing names with jeans and Harley-Davidson leather jackets,

    switch blades and cheap whiskey.

    Scaring children to sleep.

     

    © 2017 Claire Fiori

     

  • Believe in Nracles: Book Lover’s Dreams Come True

    Believe in Nracles: Book Lover’s Dreams Come True

    Do you believe in nracles?  I didn’t either until Husband turned to me yesterday and asked, “Do you want to… go to Bookmans?”

    Thing about my husband: Not a big book guy.  I thought he was kidding, but of course I round on him, eyes saucers, and exclaim at the top of my lungs, “YEEEEEEEEEES!”

    He replied, “Well, put some pants on and let’s go!”  It took me a solid 90 seconds to establish he was serious, and another 90 seconds of jumping for joy and doing my signature Point Dance (much like the disco point, except you point all over the place with the best poker face you can muster) before I grabbed some pants and got ready, singing my new hit single “I’m Going to Bookmans” all the while.

    Apparently it was time to let go of some of his old gaming consoles and games:  His N-64 and Sega Genesis, along with one of the best games in Genesis history: Sonic 2. And, of course, ZELDA for the 64.  Classic!

    Games

    I had a few books of my own I was willing to part with: my paperback copy of Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell (an incredibly clever book that I read 200 pages of, but it is a slog of a piece and I think will better serve as an audiobook), The Duchess, and two other crappy books I can’t even remember the names of because I got them for free somewhere and never read them.

    Fast forward to Bookmans:  Get to the trade counter, get our trade cards (6 of hearts and 6 of diamonds), and I let loose.  I’m like a sadist in a torture chamber, skipping from section to section, perusing various works, fanning through pages and taking big whiffs.  I’ve been fancying me some paranormal romance (because who doesn’t want to read about vampires getting it on?), so I go to find some Laurell K. Hamilton and Goodreads search some other writers that can properly sate this part of my literary palette.

    Forty minutes later, I rediscover Husband (was he here this whole time?) and we go to check on the value of our wares.  Jonathan Strange and The Duchess they’ll take, not the crappy books, and I receive a whopping eight bucks in store credit.  Husband receives one hundred twenty dollars in store credit.

    I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was.  He hands me the golden ticket that is, to me, actual gold, and I raise it in the air, singing, “Ahhhhhhh!”  Husband tells me to find more books to buy.  Don’t have to tell me twice!  I gather a satisfying pile of books (as well as a Korn CD and a badass game), careful not to not blow my load in one go (insert joke here).  Even Husband got a book!  We leave this magical wonderland with a bag full of goodness and a song in our hearts.  Book lover’s dreams really can come true.

    To celebrate our success, we went to a local coffee shop and got a Thai boba tea and a gyro salad.  Atop their sneeze guard they have what they claim to be a charm that keeps the “nracles” away; a gold, glittering block that states, “Believe in Nracles.” And what a fine job it does! Never seen a single one. *wink*

    How about you? Have your book lover dreams ever come true? Do you believe in nracles?  Leave a Reply and tell me all about it!

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    My glorious haul
  • Not Crappy Ramen, Egg Nightmares, & Seraphic Wheat Follicles

    Not Crappy Ramen, Egg Nightmares, & Seraphic Wheat Follicles

    Days Without Ramen: 0.

    As you may have read in my previous post, I’ve eaten half my weight in instant ramen in the last few months.  To quit torturing my kidneys, I’ve since switched to cooking my own, homemade ramen thanks to my two favorite chefs at japanesecooking101.com.  This was my first attempt at making it since starting to blog regularly.  How did it go?

    Husband:  “You’re my new favorite restaurant.”  What a turnaround from the Egg Salad Incident!  I think I’ve finally lived that down.  Achievement Unlocked!

    The ramen is trickier to make than the okonomiyaki, as it takes careful timing and preparation, but it’s still an overall easy recipe.  First, take the biggest fuggin’ pork loin you can find, salt the shit out of it, wrap it in plastic wrap, and let it sit overnight in the fridge.  Then, take that pig along with some fresh ginger, garlic cloves, and green onion, put it in a pot with some water, bring it to a boil, skim the scum, lower the heat, put a lid on it, and let it simmer for an hour and a half to two hours.  Take out the pig and set aside, then strain your delicious broth into another pot.  Add soy sauce, sake, and sesame oil, and keep it hot while you prep your ass off in Phase Two.

    20170701_123856

    Chop up a boatload of green onions, wash some bean sprouts, slice that pig, and soft boil some eggs.  I didn’t bother with the eggs this time, a mistake I will not make again.  Don’t skip the egg.  It will haunt your dreams.  I did, however, fry up my pork slices, something my girls didn’t mention in their recipe.  Do it.  I also seasoned them a bit with my buddy Lawry’s Seasoned Salt.  Another wise choice.

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    Make sure aaaall this shit is ready before you start boiling your noodles.  My girls at JC101 (I’m making that a thing now) searched high and low for legit ramen noodles outside of Japan, and what they found works best is… wait for it… fresh angel hair pasta.  That’s right.  Italians bring it home for the best substitute ramen noodles.  Boil those seraphic wheat follicles with some baking soda, being sure not to let it boil over.  These cherub cells cook quick, so be ready with a strainer in the sink.  Once they’re done, throw that shit together and BOOM!  Ramen!

    This one

    Now we have ramen for days, and I couldn’t be happier.  And not crappy ramen — badass, legit-as-you-can-git homemade ramen.  Here’s the recipe I used.

    I’m looking forward to trying more recipes from JC101, and I’ll be sure to post about how it goes. If you give this recipe a try, Leave a Reply and let me know how it went!

    Now, I’m gonna go play Mass Effect.  Claire out!

     

     

     

  • What’s More: A Poem

    Back in April 2016 I had the idea of using crossword puzzle clues to write poetry.  Don’t know if anyone else has done this before me, but as far as I know I’m the first.  I’m now writing one every day and will be creating a chapbook that will be available on Amazon in September…  I hope.  Not sure how their self-publishing works, but it’ll be ready to publish September 1st.  How quickly they can get it on the site is another matter.

    I didn’t format this one to show which parts were crossword clues — let me know whether or not you like knowing the crossword puzzle references in the comments below.  I make sure to reference which puzzle I got the clues from in the title.

    Here it is:

     

    What’s More (NY Times crossword: July 11th, 1995)  by Claire Fiori

     

    At the gunslinger’s command,

    the home wrecker fled in a frenzy.

    No time to have an opinion

    To beg,

    To gawk,

    Only to leave at full speed, as a ship,

    before her brain was burglarized

    “Omigod!”

     

    He took her dough,

    Nail polish, valued furs and till bills.

    What got her years and years of notice

    will now provide contempt and neglect.

    The now igneous flow of prestige

    Greets her brazenly on her forearm bone

    To harden and petrify, to make her

    a beam fastener for the roof support

    that is her life.

     

    No more concerto moments.

    No more of Verdi’s villains.

    Sell your BMW 535i and get

    knocked down a notch.

    Meet Mrs. Jetson and her mediocrity,

    and do penance for your petulance

    and greed.

    Wish on a rabbit’s foot and never want

    What’s more…

     

    Before long, Evergreens and Alpine songs

    will make her of sound mind.

    Love affairs on an inlaid floor

    bring her a new kind of hygiene.

    She is at peace in her Bermuda, for one.

     

     

     

     

     

  • Crappy Ramen Secrets, Okonomiyaki by Stove Light, & A New Poem

    Crappy Ramen Secrets, Okonomiyaki by Stove Light, & A New Poem

    If there’s one thing you need to know about me, it’s that I love Japanese food.  LOVE it.  From sushi to teppanyaki, miso to bento, I loooooove me some Japanese food.  Even the crappy instant ramen noodles.  I’m ashamed to admit how many packages of those I’ve eaten in the last few months (I’ll give you a hint: More than 20 but less than 22).

    In my defense, I’ve been doctoring them up quite nicely!  Add a diced pork chop, some green onion, and some bean sprouts and it doesn’t taste half bad! Not to mention it adds something other than four days’ worth of salt to my diet.

    Another, lesser known ramen noodle secret my best friend Meg gave me:  Use sour cream.  Sub out the butter or margarine or whatever fatty additive you use and use sour cream instead.  It gives it this creamy, tangy zip that adds a depth of flavor I never would have thought of.  Thanks, Meggy!  ❤

    But seriously… I was eating so much of it that my husband had an intervention.  “Claire… you’re gonna die from that shit.  Eat something else.  Please.  Or at least let me get another life insurance policy on you first.”

    So I decided it was time I finally try my hand at making not just my own ramen noodles, but some other Japanese favorites that cost a f***-ton at the restaurants.  Today, I tried making okonomiyaki.

    For those of you who are less acquainted with Japanese cuisine, or have never seen Ukyo in okonomiyaki gifaction in Ranma 1/2, okonomiyaki is a savory Japanese cabbage pancake that has the likeness of a pizza, but a completely different flavor profile.  In my pancakes, I used dashi (fish broth — suuuper easy to make), all-purpose flour, and an egg to create the batter, then threw in finely (or not so finely) chopped cabbage and green onions, and mixed it into a batter.  Threw that business on a hot oiled pan and shaped it like a pancake, topped it with some BACON (thought that’d be an attention grabber!), and grilled it on both sides, 5-7 minutes.  I then drizzled some okonomi sauce (essential ingredient) and some mayo (not the Japanese kind, sadly, but still good) and topped with bonito flakes.  Aaaand presto!  Okonomiyaki!  It’s hella easy to make; the hardest part is getting all the ingredients.  I bought the okonomi sauce and the bonito flakes off Amazon since I couldn’t find them in any of our lame-ass American stores.

    Other hardest part:  Cooking okonomiyaki in a kitchen with burning-out overhead lightbulbs and no windows. It was fun in a cliché horror movie, seizure-inducing kinda way for the first five minutes, but that got old real quick. Definitely need to put in a maintenance request.  Cooking in the dark sucks donkey dick.  At least I had the stove light! And yes, that’s just as romantic as it sounds.

    The recipe I used is from my favorite Japanese cooking website, japanesecooking101.com.  I love these gals, and they’ve never steered me wrong.  They’re fabulous!  Check ’em out if you wanna mix up your recipe rotation.  Pics from my cooking venture are below!

    On a non-food related note, I wrote a new poem today.  I picked up my idea I had back in April ’16 of writing poems using the crossword puzzle clues.  I think it turned out pretty awesome!  I pump those out pretty quickly, too, so my plan is to write a slew of them and make a chapbook.  The poem’s called “What’s More,”  and I think I’ll be posting it either on here or on my Goodreads account as a teaser for my upcoming chapbook.  I’m gonna sleep on it and see what I think.

    Without further ado, pictures of my delicious okonomiyaki! Itadakimasu!

    Okonomiyaki Pancake 1                          Okonomiyaki Pancake 2

    Okonomiyaki Complete 1


     

  • Review of “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory”

    Review of “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory”

    Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the CrematorySmoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty

    My rating: 4 of 5 stars

    The very definition of morbidly funny, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory forces you to look death in the eye in this laugh out loud narrative of a young mortician. An insightful read about posthumous options as well as into death itself, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and consider it a favorite primarily for how it’s altered my perspective on death and what I want to have done with my remains after I’m gone. Highly recommend!

    View all my reviews

  • Walk Softly: A Poem

    Several days ago, I came across an article that told of a man who was using the NOAD example sentences to write stories.

    “How inspiring!” I thought. “What a fantastic exercise!” I continued to think about this brilliance and how I’d love to find a copy and take a stab at doing something of my own.

    Then, in between the bedlam that is being a first-year teacher, I had a stroke of inspiration when I was leafing through the newspaper on Friday and came across the crossword puzzle: What if I wrote a poem using the crossword’s puzzles? After all, it is national poetry month, and I do love me some poetry.

    What fun it was! A refreshing challenge that I think turned out rather well.  I’m going to do it every week and see what sorts of word art I uncover. The crossword puzzles are underlined, and if it’s italicized, I changed the word’s type (in this case, I changed it from a noun, clunker, to a verb). Without further ado, here’s my first in a series of crossword puzzle poems, “Walk Softly”.

    “Walk Softly” by Claire Fiori  2016

    A bloke’s streetcar clunks on
    an island near Corsica,
    Pillboxes and potpourri
    in the passenger’s seat,
    Edible seed in the glove box.

    This bloke’s kind of map is
    the one without street signs,
    Only landmarks and the moon.
    No ballpark figures or stock holdings,
    Just sunblock additive and happy feeling.

    He plucked a guitar
    that would give you the chills.
    He fossilized plants under the skylight’s locale.
    He showed how birthday suit wearers
    Turn a deaf ear to drama awards,
    and tear to bits society’s dreaded exams.

    Once more does this bloke’s pulpit stand
    on a Saint’s attribute; a secret meeting
    held in a highway diner.
    Pawned to an online journal.

    If you see him,
    tell him the peace goddess says hello,
    And remind him to walk softly.

     

  • Geminez: A Short Story

    **This is the original 2010 version. I don’t like the ending, so I’ll post the re-write as soon as it’s finished.**

              Every day at 5:37AM she would get on her bicycle and ride to work.  She worked at Betty’s Bakery on Fourth Street as a pastry chef.  Her danishes were the best, though everything that came out of her oven was spectacular. I loved watching her at work; she was in her element, aglow with her life’s passion. Her strawberry blonde curls up in a messy bun, porcelain cheeks pink from the heat of the kitchen. Such a delicate girl, a petite girl. Dainty hands, slim wrists, a slender frame.  She was a ballerina once, I heard her say to a customer. But then her ankle surrendered to the strain and she could never dance again.  She had gone to Julliard on a full scholarship. What a pity.

              So now here she was in downtown New York, doing what she loved second best in all the world. It was surely fate, for I would have never met her otherwise. Since the moment I saw her she became my everything. So beautiful, so graceful… Never have I seen a more perfect creature. Her faultless pale skin, her cascading curls, her periwinkle eyes. She was magnificent.

                I first saw her at the bakery. I was on my way to work at the Brookhaven Laboratory six blocks down. There wasn’t any closer parking, so I parked in front of the store. The sign on the window caught my eye. Yellow and white checkered letters bordered with powder blue read “Betty’s Bakery.” So inviting, I remember thinking. I recalled I hadn’t eaten yet that morning—I ran out of my usual Grape Nuts—and figured I would give it a try.

                As I stepped through the threshold, a cowbell clunking at my entrance, there she was, in a light blue apron with “Betty’s” embroidered in yellow cursive in the corner. She was handing a little boy a glazed donut, her pearly teeth beaming. A halo of light surrounded her. I froze in my tracks.

                “Hello,” she sang, or at least I thought she sang. Her voice was so light and full of music. “Welcome to Betty’s. What can I get you?”

                For a moment I forgot why I had come in, where I was. I quickly regained my bearings and asked what she recommended.

                She laughed more musically than she spoke. “I would recommend everything, but I just took these strawberry danishes out of the oven. Why don’t you try one of those?”

                I nodded. She continued to smile and procured a danish for me. Her movements were so beautiful. Everything she did was a song and dance, full of light and joy. I took the danish and handed her a ten.

                “Keep the change,” I said and left as fast as I could.

               At first I tried to continue living, to pretend I hadn’t met such a girl. But she was all I’d ever think of. I’d see her in the clouds, between the words on bulletin boards, on cans at the grocery store. I wondered about her. What her favorite color was. If she had a cat. What her hair smelled like. Eventually I stopped going to work. I quit going to Paddy’s every Friday. I stopped bowling. All I wanted was her.

                I started going to the bakery every day to see her. I tried every pastry she made, and eventually I learned her name: Geminez. Though I’m an attractive man, I am not good at talking to ladies. I am quite shy, which works to my advantage a good portion of the time. Women find it endearing. Geminez was no exception.

                But she didn’t want me. She didn’t love me. There wasn’t another man; I just wasn’t her type. I was too old, she said. True, the age difference was something to be considered—Geminez had turned only twenty in May. I turned thirty-nine in January. But that didn’t matter to me. She was an angel, a goddess in the flesh.  There was never a minute I didn’t think of her. I couldn’t let her slip away. She was the one. I needed her.

                I begged her to reconsider, but she was firm.  Her family would disown her, she said. It didn’t matter if I was a rock star or the mayor. I was too old, and that was that. We could still be friends, though, she said. Still be friends.

                I was wrought with grief. I pulled all my blinds closed, locked the door, turned off the lights, and lay on the hardwood floor of my studio apartment, staring into darkness. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. Just lied there and stared into the darkness of my mind for three days. I realized I couldn’t live without her. She had to be mine.

                I started to follow her. From home, to work, to the library, to her piano lesson, to her friend Jamie’s house, and back home again, I watched. Every Tuesday at two thirty she had her piano lesson at Mrs. Nightingale’s house, a nice older woman who happened to be Geminez’s great-aunt. She worked every weekday morning from six till two, which left her just enough time to ride her yellow beach cruiser to Mrs. Nightingale’s. She’d always bring her a wax papered blueberry Danish in her basket. Afterward she’d ride to the marketplace and pick up some fresh fruit or some flowers. She loved daisies—so simple and sweet, a parody to her soul.

                After a couple weeks I started to take pictures.  I had toyed with photography in the past and owned a relatively nice camera; a Nikon D3000 Digital SLR with an AF-S DX 18-55mm lens. On a good day I could find a parking spot that looked right into the window of the bakery. I could see her hair bouncing, her shining smile, her bright eyes. I got some great candid photos of her kneading dough, setting the oven, dishing out change. Now that I knew the typical pattern of her day I could anticipate a good photo opportunity. I started to make a collage on my wall.

                Once my wall was completely covered, I told myself I would be satisfied. But I wasn’t. I needed more. I needed something of hers. Something tangible I could hold onto and cherish. Something she cherished and held. One night I dug through the dumpster outside her apartment complex, remembering the general area she placed her garbage bag earlier that morning. Yellow strings, I kept telling myself. She uses the garbage bags with yellow strings.

                At last I found it, and what luck! A clump of her gorgeous hair lay at the top, the remnants from an overburdened brush. I pulled it close and smelled it. Cherry blossoms. I shuddered. I tossed the rest away and headed for home. It was past ten-o-clock. Geminez had shut her blinds and was reading Midsummer Night’s Dream.

                My joy was short-lived. The next day, while slowly sipping my black coffee at the café across the street from Betty’s, a handsome young man strode into the bakery.  Geminez took one look and squealed in delight. She ran into his arms, and they embraced a good long while. He even lifted her off the ground and spun her in circles. She kissed him on the cheek.

                My stomach plummeted. Could this be who she had been talking to on the phone for the last week or so? She had been on the phone a lot these days, having very animated conversations. Was it he? Was he taking her from under my nose this entire time? I assumed it was Jamie, that something had happened in Jamie’s life and they were discussing it. I should have been closer. I should have eavesdropped. How did I not see this coming?

                They talked for a minute or two, then he hugged her and let her get back to work.  He ordered a strawberry danish to go. He said farewell and returned to his vehicle I didn’t see him exit.  He got into a white Mustang convertible and drove away.  This was it.  He was her knight on a white horse.

                I turned to look at my sorry 1997 blue Dodge Neon. What a fool I’d been. I was too engrossed in her, too hypnotized by her spell to not see what was going on around me. He took her. He took her from me and I didn’t even see it.

                I felt a burning on my thigh. I looked down and realized my hand holding my coffee cup was shaking violently, my knuckles white with the grip. I carefully set it down on its saucer and left five dollars on the table. I must make a plan, I thought. She had to be mine.

                It was Tuesday, and I know she would never cancel her piano lesson, so I had until three-o-clock before I had to worry about Prince Charming. I looked at my watch. 10:57. I had four hours.

                I went home and paced my apartment. In order to fight a knight, and a prince, no less, you had to fight to the death. I knew this much. But what weapon should I use? Gun? Knife? Sword? A sword would be best, most fitting for the situation, but that would be a difficult object to conceal and carry. Gun? No, not sportsmanlike. It would be over too quickly. Knives seemed like the best option. My father left me several excellent knives when he died, two being Muela Scorpion knives. Splendid. One for him, one for me. May the best man win.

                But what about Geminez? She cannot interfere. If she were hurt my entire world would crumble. She was my foundation. She needed to be out of the way.

                I went to my cabinet and sifted through the different chemicals I had collected over the years until I found the chloroform. I grabbed an old rag and filled a bowl with the substance, then put the rag in it to soak. I checked my watch. 12:25. I sat at my kitchen table and watched the red paint peel off the walls.

                2:20. She was almost done with her piano lesson. I retrieved and carefully wrung out the rag, wrapped another rag around it and washed my hands.  I grabbed the rags and two knives and placed them in a backpack. I locked my apartment and left for Gem’s house.

                I watched her come home. Hair long and waving in the wind, long pink skirt soaring. She locked her bike up and dashed up the concrete steps and through her complex’s door, typing away on her cell phone as she went.

                I waited. 3:20. 4:20. 5:20. Finally he pulled up. Shaggy brown hair, blue button-up shirt. Mr. Trim. Mr. Young. Mr. Wonderful. I ground my teeth and gripped the steering wheel. He had that musical air about him, too—no wonder she loved him. They were soul mates.

                But I had to wait longer. It was still daylight, and the window to her bathroom was facing the busy street. But she left it open every night. She always forgot to shut that window.

                Night slowly engulfed the city. Every inch of darkness made me more and more anxious. At last, the moment was right. I got out of the car and slung the backpack on my shoulder. I crept up to her bathroom window and listened for their voices. They were in the living room. They were laughing, soprano and baritone chimes clanging in my ears. I popped the screen off and eased myself inside.

                I hid in the shower and got the rag ready, hoping Gem would come in to use the bathroom. They talked for a while, and then I heard her rise, excusing herself. She opened and shut the bathroom door. My heart sped up and slowed down simultaneously. This was the closest I’d been to her in two and a half months. All the sneaking, all the photos, her luscious lock of hair I stole… And here she was. All to myself.

                She locked the door and stared at the screenless window strangely. While preoccupied I leapt out and smashed the rag to her face, barely giving her time to scream. I removed the cloth quickly, only giving her enough to render her helpless. She collapsed into my arms. I gazed at her for a moment; a precious swan. So beautiful.

                But Prince Charming heard the little cry. He raced over to the door and banged on it. “Gem!” he cried.  “Gem! Are you all right?”

                I gently lay her on the floor, putting a towel beneath her crown. I got the knives ready and opened the door.

                He was mid-knock. His blue eyes widened, two great oceans of fear. “Who are you?!” he demanded. “What did you do to her?!”

                “She’s fine,” I said. I pointed one of the knives at him and told him to move. He obliged.

                “What do you want?” he asked.

                “I want you dead.” I tossed him one of the knives. “You took her from me. She’s mine. I have to have her.”

                “Why are you giving me a knife, then?” he asked.

                “Because if you’re better than me then you deserve her. May the best man win.” I poised my knife, ready to duel.

                He stood there a moment, dumbstruck. A deer in headlights.

                “Go!” I cried. “If you don’t make the first move, then I will!” I lunged forward and slashed his shoulder. Red seeped through his shirt, a delicious contrast of colors. He cried out and grasped his shoulder, but saw I was coming in for the kill. He dodged, and stabbed me hard between the ribs. Blood spewed out, rained on both of us, painting the carpet.

                He couldn’t get the knife out of me. He pulled and pulled, tried desperately to wrench it free. I saw my advantage and took my knife and slammed it into his skull. There was a deafening hollow crack, and everything stopped. Ocean eyes wide, mouth agape, he stood there, frozen. We both collapsed.

                As the Prince lay slain and I lay dying, I heard a small cry from the bathroom. I managed to turn my head to the open bedroom door and saw Geminez’s face one more time. She could barely move her lips.

                “Brother,” she mouthed, a tear slipping down her face. “Brother…”

    © 2010 Claire Myers/Fiori

  • Stew: A Poem

    Didn’t I see you yesterday
    out on the Mexican Battle Grounds?
    Smoking your cherry wood pipe, its cherry
    the only color in the Third Quarter Moonlight?

    Or was it Coffee Pot Landing
    last week? drinking iced Dragonwell tea,
    Basking in the fireball sky
    lying in the dew-sweet martian grass
    in tie and suit?

    I don’t know… Was it even you?
    You have one of those faces; you know,
    Unkempt blonde hair, lightly darked skin,
    Italy eyes, a 3-Days Grown beard,
    oaken-wood bark?

    It was at the Laundromat, wasn’t it?
    Down on Third Street and Vine?
    You were bleaching your whites,
    Listening to tribal drums and didgeridoos
    while my tights hung to dry?

    I ate at The Coachman Tuesday.
    Got a french dip and a side of fries.
    Had their rhubarb pie for dessert.
    Maybe you were the one counter-side
    Asked for toast on rye?

    I feel like you are everyone,
    but I’ve never seen you until now.
    Odd to think that you have a name, friends,
    A yellow lab named Bogey, two fish–
    Perhaps a white cat?

    I don’t know. It’s not my place to.
    I don’t know you.
    I’m just making this up as I go.

    Maybe you don’t have pets.
    Maybe you like plants. You grow cabbage
    for your special stew?

    I remember now! It was the laundromat!
    I needed sixty more cents to dry.
    You were ironing your Levi’s
    when you saw I needed money,
    and you gave me a five.

    Told you I’d pay you back. Thanks.
    My skirts thank you, too.
    Perhaps I’ll see you again soon?
    I heard the Coachman was serving cabbage stew.

    © 2010 Claire Fiori